A tale of two sons

A view from inside our house

There once was a man who had two sons. He went to the older one and said, "go work in my field today." The older son said, "I won't go." But later he changed his mind and went.

The father went to the younger son and said the same thing. The younger one said, "okay, I'll go." But he never went.

Which son did his father's will?

Which is better: to continue in a bad decision, or to change your mind and do what is right?

A local view

This is a story that I translated this week and discussed with my language helpers. I was drawn to this story after reading a book about honor/shame-based societies. Whereas North American cultural interaction is based on the idea of right and wrong (guilt-based society), societies like the one I'm living in now interact on the basis of honor-- how can I give honor where it is due and be a person to whom honor is due? How do I prevent myself and my family from being shamed?

Why is this story significant here? Because it shows that repentance covers the shame of dishonor. The son who told his father he would not go to the field dishonored his father and himself. The other son preserved his father's honor by agreeing to go work... but it was an empty honor because the promise was never fulfilled. The older son "repented" (changed his behavior).

I got to experience a little of this type of societal influence with a neighbor of mine who I found in my room uninvited and suspiciously near my purse. Theft is common here, but it's very dishonorable for an adult to be caught stealing.

In the moment I asked her what she wanted and she left very quickly, but I struggled over what to say afterward-- do I confront her in person? Do I send a mediator? Do I avoid mentioning it because she is already feeling disgraced? Do I approach it in a confrontational manner where she knows without a doubt that her behavior was unacceptable and she was not in my good graces anymore?

So I went to a friend/language helper to help answer these questions. Her response lined up directly with the book I'd been reading on honor and shame: You have to confront her directly and make sure she knows she did wrong. She may think she got away with something if you don't talk with her.

So I did. And now we're working on getting back to normal. And that's how we learn. 

A house on a house