They just don't know

"My friends, the community, they just don't know," he said. "They love to talk about my wedding and how great it was, then they ask 'so, is your wife sick(pregnant) yet?' They just don't know."

I've been friends with this particular couple since shortly after arriving on Clove Island.When I arrived, they had gotten married just 3 months previous in a small ceremony and were waiting a few years before doing their big wedding and community celebration. They've now done the big wedding and community celebration, but have yet to give birth.

While some places that might be normal, here it's highly unusual to wait for children and a source of great distress. Many men will marry a second woman just to have a child. Unlike some cultures, where your name changes at marriage, here the name change occurs with your first child. My name might be Abby, but as soon as I gave birth I would be called "mother of (first child's name)." It's an honor thing, and not something easily done away with.

The man was explaining to me some of his woes, things that he was having a hard time with. Former soccer teammates who married at the same time ask him what his "father-name" is, and he has no answer. Students ask him if he's married, then ask about his children, and sometimes he just tells them he has children because it hurts too much to say the truth. His wife doesn't want to go out in the community anymore and is depressed because everyone who sees her will know that she's not pregnant.

"My wife, she had a visa and scholarship to travel to France and study. But when I asked to marry her all her friends told her how lucky she was to have me. And she stayed to marry me."

"I would never marry a second woman, I love my wife. But her family keeps telling her that if she doesn't get pregnant I'll start looking for another woman."

"She's so worried about making me happy. I love children so much, and she does too. But I can't sleep at night knowing that she's depressed over this."

"We want to get some sort of medical treatment, but the closest specialists are in a country that doesn't easily give us entry visas."

 This isn't exactly my area of expertise-- married, unable to have children-- but it's a common story here. And I talk regularly with people who yearn to bear children of their own.

Could I wrap this story up in a nice package and a pretty ending? Maybe. But I think that does an injustice to the pain in this world to finish a story that's far from over. I pray for them to have peace, to have children, to find the Author of peace and Source of all good. Would you pray too?