Weddings-- are they worth it?

When I think about wedding problems in the US, there are a couple of platitudes that come to mind, "at the end of the day, at least you'll be married." And the second encouraging phrase you often hear is "Nobody will notice. And if they do, they'll forget soon enough anyway."

Here on Clove Island it's not so simple. For a lot of people, they're actually already married before the wedding. The big parties and fanfare really is just that-- for some weddings, the bride and groom have been married for several years already.

And do people forget what goes wrong? Nope. Everything involved with weddings is recorded: what you donate towards the wedding is written down so they can reciprocate with your wedding. If you come cook at a wedding, then they'll come cook at your family's wedding. But heaven forbid that you should not have enough food at your wedding for all the people who come to help cook it.

Or should you fail to...

... give a special guest a flower necklace...

... or have the drum group play loud enough...

... or have the right shoes for every event.

Basically, there are a multitude of opportunities for missteps, and the shame is lasting.

In America, people like to complain about how much work pulling off a wedding is. But really, nothing compares to the elaborate show that weddings here turn into. The family may not have money, but they're still expected to throw a big party. Debts are incurred, favors returned and owed, and what are you left with afterward? A lot of pictures, debt, and the honor of having a big wedding.

Some islanders have refused to do the big wedding, but the greater society is caught up in the system-- you help with big weddings, you get help with big weddings.  Is the interdependence good, or is the debt and shame crippling? I don't know. But as a foreigner I'm expected to show up and give honor to those honor is due.