Where to live

 Let me ask you a question: if you heard of a new couple getting married, where would you expect them to live? Would the man move in with the woman's family? The woman move in with the man's family? Or perhaps you'd expect them to move into their own place. 

What about the town they live in? Would they live in the same town as her family? The same town as his family? A new town, based on their work?

The other day my English class was discussing living situations, and who each of them lives with.

Traditionally on Clove Island, the woman's family is responsible for providing the new couple with a home. If possible, they provide a piece of land and build a new house, but sometimes the home that's provided is a new story on the family residence, or even simply a private room in a shared house. 

Of course, there are exceptions. There are men who build a house, or families who live in a residence that the man's family owns and allows the new couple to live in. But there's always the desire of a woman to build her own house. Especially with the reality of polygamy, owning the residence provides an unusual amount of security for women here.

But what about the town where you choose to live? I asked my class about this and was a bit surprised by their answer. I'm accustomed to North Americans talking about wanting to be close to family, but "not too close." But what about Clove Islanders? With so many of them living in the same compound as their extended family, or going to visit family members every day, would they choose to do that if they had other options?

It turns out, hands down, my entire class would rather not be "too close" to family. But why?

- "If my mother sees what I brought home from the market, I have to share with her."

- "I can't discuss things with my wife without her sisters listening and insulting me."

- "My parents would always tell me how to correct my children. I couldn't make my own choices."

- "I can never have money, because my family will always need something."

As you can see, some of the reasons we have in common, some not so much. But it's interesting to consider that question, "how close is close enough without being too close?"

And the student in the back of the class said, "Waaaaaaaaaaay far up the mountain. Really far."